As told by “Girls”…
I’m graduating in T-5 weeks and I am scared shitless. Help.
I constantly feel ill-equipped to make life decisions.
What idiot entrusted my precious life to an inexperienced dumbass like me?! I am not capable of making smart decisions. Last week, I spent 25 minutes trying to decide whether I should buy the $10 headphones or splurge on the $20 ones. And I dropped Pad Kee Mao onto my “dry clean only” shirt. And I’m pretty sure I didn’t wear one pair of matching socks for the entire week. DON’T TRUST ME TO MAKE THESE BIG LIFE CHOICES.
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I try to soul-search in order to figure out what I like and dislike.
But then I realize that nothing that I like equates to a real job. Faaaaack.
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It all feels so daunting, so I have to offset the big decisions with the simpler things in life.
My to do lists look like this:
-Make bed
-Eat a yogurt bowl
-Spend 30 minutes doing homework, 2 hours watching Netflix
-Figure out where you want to live/what job you want/whether you want to go to graduate school/what your major life priorities are (e.g., salary? location? access to free food at job?)/your 5 year plan/your 10 year plan/your first born’s name
-Pee
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And then there’s the dreaded question: “What are you doing when you graduate?!”
On the outside, I’m all…
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But on the inside it’s more like…
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Really. Everyone needs to stop asking soon-to-be-graduates that question.
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I jump from one thing to the next like a misguided kangaroo.
I definitely want to go to grad school, no doubt. I’m doing it.
I mean, I just don’t think grad school is for me, I want to make money and get the hell out of academia.
I think I’d be happy being a stay-at-home daughter! Mom, Dad, is that cool? I don’t cook, I don’t clean, but I’m really fun to have around! I’ll make my bed at least 3x per week! C’mon…
^^ The thoughts that go through my head in a typical day. Not lying.
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I’m constantly on the verge of an emotional breakdown.
Lots of pep talks are happening. Sometimes from my friends. Mostly from the voices in my head. DON’T JUDGE ME.
I mean, at least I get bonus points for not shoving a q-tip up into my eardrum, right?
Although, I did start awkwardly cry/laughing in a very public place on campus on Tuesday while video chatting with a friend. So there’s that.
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I try to pretend like I’m a real grown-up…
Spoiler alert: I’m not. I don’t understand 401ks, I don’t own an iron, and I don’t do my laundry until lack of clean pants necessitates it. But I’m, like, pretty decent at loading the dishwasher, so I think I’m on the right track.
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…But really, the thought of a real job terrifies me.
I’ve been in school for approximately FOREVER. I don’t know how to be a full-time job doer.
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In the end, though, I just want all the things.
And is that really too much to ask for? I just want everything. And happiness. But mostly everything.
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Oh dear heavens. Hold me.
IN THE COMMENTS:
No question today, just please tell me that everything will work out. And for goodness sakes, DO NOT ASK ME WHAT I’M DOING WHEN I GRADUATE. Seriously.
And, if you want, tell me about your post-grad hysteria. It’ll probably make me feel better.